Fili's world» Uncategorized | China, HK, Taiwan

Cross cultural differences between people from the same culture : Introverts and extroverts

Fili — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:02:06 +0000

I believe the number one issue most expats or international students feel they face is cross-cultural difficulties. Most find it extremely confusing and frustrating, not being able to understand how a person might think or act so differently. But, interestingly enough, the one thing I realized pretty fast was that cross-cultural differences are just anther version for personal differences. People from the same culture can be quite different. It might be true that the stereotypical average for cultures is different, but when dealing with individuals and not on an organizational or national level, one must consider that personal differences might attribute for more variance than cultural differences.

I’ll do the mistake of giving a personal example. In a stereotypical generalization, I find that I have an easier time relating to the south-east Asians that I meet here than I do with what some like to term “westerners”. I honestly think most Israelis wouldn’t be the same, and I believe this has to do with personal differences between me and other “average Israelis”.

A few weeks ago, I think about two months, I came across this wonderful article called “Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts“. I remember that long ago, parting from my development team before moving to a different position, I was trying to live up to my high-rank officer role by talking to the team about the famous MBTI personality test, playing around with having them think about who they are and how they relate to one another. At the end of that session they all asked me what I thought I was and I asked in return that they guess. I was quite surprised when they all guessed that I was an extrovert, and they were all quite surprised when I told them I believe I better fit the description of an introvert:

Extraverted Characteristics

Act first, think/reflect later
Feel deprived when cutoff from interaction with the outside world
usually open to and motivated by outside world of people and things
Enjoy wide variety and change in people relationships

Introverted Characteristics

Think/reflect first, then Act
Regularly require an amount of “private time” to recharge batteries
Motivated internally, mind is sometimes so active it is “closed” to outside world
Prefer one-to-one communication and relationships

In general I like the description of what my INFP type showed :

Usually gentle and kind, they are intense and passionate about their values and deeply held beliefs, which they share with trusted friends. Because of their discreet manner, their enthusiasm may not be apparent. They are sensitive to others’ pain, restlessness or general discomfort and strive to find happiness, balance and wholeness for themselves in order to help others find joy, satisfaction and plenitude. They are deeply empathetic.

They live life in an intently personal fashion, acting on the belief that each person is unique and that social norms are to be respected only if they do not hinder personal development or expression. They strive to adhere to their own high personal moral standards and are particularly sensitive to inconsistencies in their environment between what is being said and what is being done. Empty promises of adhering to something they value – such as environmental causes or human rights – set off an inner alarm and they may transform themselves into modern day Joan of Arcs.
They are quietly persistent in raising awareness of cherished causes and often fight for the underdog in quiet or not-so-quiet ways. In a team, they will raise issues of integrity, authenticity, and good or bad, and may to opt out if the team refuses to address the questions raised.
They are usually tolerant and open-minded, insightful, flexible and understanding. They live for the understanding of others and feel deeply grateful when someone takes the time to get to know them personally. They have good listening skills, are genuinely concerned, insightful, and usually avid readers. At their best, they inspire others to be themselves.

Although those tests tend for the overly general statements that almost anyone would comfortable with, this does make sense to me more than other descriptions.

Why am I going into all this? because I think the introvert-extrovert culture-personality clash that I experience here is usually stronger than the cross-cultural difficulties. Back to that Top 5 article, this is a must read to all my extrovert friends that might help them understand introvert folks a bit better. Here’s a short summary:

If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.

The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.

Introverts tend to dislike small talk.

If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met. [...]

Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.

Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.

Introverts need time alone to recharge.

They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.

Introverts are socially well adjusted.

Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.

This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

It’s a bit extreme but it’s very well written. Many are sometimes confused by a behavior some of them term as the “disappearing act”. I especially relate to the “Introverts need time alone to recharge”, which is complemented with Introverts wanting to be extra close when the time comes that don’t want to be alone.

It’s not all about Embedded/Autonomy, Hierarchy/Egalitarianism, Mastery/Harmony and national culture differences… personal differences are also there for you to consider.

Helping new foreign student arrivals

Fili — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 16:50:49 +0000

A week ago I got an e-mail titled – "I am glad to be your receptionist~!!!".

Hello !

My Chinese name is . English name is .

I’m your receptionist.

I ‘m a junior student majoring in Account. If you want to visit anywhere in NCKU or have questions you want to ask, you can contact me!

I was confused for a few seconds, till I figured out what "receptionist" means. So I wrote and got this back:

I interpret receptionist as a voluntary student who help foreign students out when you start a new semester in NCKU. (usually 1 voluntary student to 2 foreign students). <…>

Please write some questions you want to know so that I can prepare what to talk to you and where we should visit~! <…>

Nice to meet you, too.

This is really nice and all, but a few weeks ago I already got a different e-mail:

Hi : I am the one to volunteer to help foreign students,and my name’s . I am also study in MBA degree in NCKU. I was selected to be the person serving you. Thus, just let me know if you have any problem. My number is

So it turns out that the NCKU foreign students affairs and the IMBA school have both assigned students to help me out with my arrival here.

So, today we sat down for lunch and I got a short tour of the very nice NCKU library and computer center. It’s nice to have someone to help you figure out things. Hmmm… come to think of it, I should have joined something like that to help foreign students when I was in Israel.

What people do -5- : Building websites

Fili — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 11:07:45 +0000

Other “what people do”s :

Part 1 : The Importers, The Internet Auctioneer, The English Teacher
Part 2 : The Hosteler, The Blogger.
Part 3 : The Online Gamer, The Travel Journalist
Part 4 : Write Chinese names, Chinese related blogging.
Part 5 : Build websites

Building websites

Tools – a computer, preferably a laptop.

Place – anywhere.

Experience and professional knowledge needed – none.

A website builder is somewhat complimentary to a blogger, sharing many traits. While a blogger’s success mainly relies on his personal abilities for writing, a website builder’s success mainly relies on the control of the tools in use and the ability to build a sense of personal or communal touch.

Ever since I started a few website experiments on my shared hosting I’ve been getting quite a few offers for collaborations and work offers. Most people, so it seems, have a great need for a professional website or a personal gallery and they lack the time or knowledge to put in the work to get one up and running. When some of my friends saw the very simple Chinalyst and Chinese-Garden, they immediately responded with “oh my god, then maybe you can build a website for me”. Trying to explain to them, most of them IT professionals, that they can build one on their own in a matter of days, is pointless. People just don’t know how easy it is to get a basic website up and running, or maybe they just don’t care.

Best thing about building websites, I think, is that you can do it anywhere and anytime. If you don’t mind working alone or prefer working at home then this just might be the right kind of job for you. I wouldn’t even recommend taking a course. All you need is someone you know to get you started with explanations of your hosting’s Control Panel and how the FTP works and you’re ready to go. Sure, you’ll need to know a bit of HTML, CSS and PHP at some point in the far future, but the tools provided today – most of which are open-source and free – are so easy, that you just might get away with a wonderful website without knowing any of those. Design? Art? The web is full of GPL open-source themes and banners that you don’t need your own graphic designer to have a good looking website.

Downsides? Yeah, there are some, which would explain a bit why I’m hesitant about fully recommending this optino (to both others and myself). Building a communal website could be fun and seeing it grow can really make you proud, but a lot of the every day work once a website is about technicalities.

With my simple few websites I get about 10-15 emails every morning with odd questions, most of which are around the bloody differences between Explorer6/Explorer7/Firefox 1.5/Firefox 2/Opera/Safari and the Operating Systems they’re running on. Although it’s only been a few months since it started I’m already lost between all the updates that need to be applied (Wordpress turned 2.0.5, Drupal 4.7.4, Joomla is going 1.5 and SMF is now RC3). It gets even more complicated now that the communities are running with hundreds of users so that every small change that I make may and probably will affect things I have no control over. If you take into consideration the extensions/plugins/mods that you applied, then you’re in administration hell and that just might take out all the fun.

Another argument that I can relate to goes something like this “After I graduated XXX and finished my masters in YYY and worked in ZZZ for WWW years – does this really take full advantage of my abilities?”. I think the answer to that would depend on your ability to combine building websites with the things you’re passionate about. Focus around the professional area that you’re interested in and make sure that it relates to something that you love doing. Thankfully, I can really justify to myself all my time invested in the websites I built by knowing that they’re about something I enjoy, whether it’s China related or the targeting the blogging world.

Is there money in it? Not writing from any personal experience I believe that building a basic site should cost about a 1000 US$ and a lot more, 3000-5000US$, for a communal website. Some build communal websites for others and some build those for themselves hoping that they would bring in revenues at some point (which doesn’t occur that often). Me? I just do it for fun.

A new photo gallery

Fili — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 06:30:36 +0000

I had enough of the very limited flickr account with 200 photos and 3 albums, so I took up on Ori's advice for building a new gallery.

So, the new fiLi gallery is up at : http://www.filination.com/gallery .

The fiLi gallery RSS feed can be grabbed at : http://feeds.feedburner.com/FilinationsPhotos (which I imagine will be updated while I'm at the UK).

“In therapy”

Fili — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 05:27:28 +0000

It's been a very long time since I've seen something this powerful in Israeli TV. I can't recall something quite like it. No special effects, no big action scenes or fake dramas… it's simple, honest and effective, goes straight into your soul.

Being in Asia for a year I missed the first season of this show and have heard very little of it. Last week, I got to see a rerun episode with my dad and right after I quickly tried my best to get a hold of some more episodes. I have to confess that although I had plans as to what to do yesterday, I've spent a fair amount of time watching the episodes I was able to get my hands on, thinking about them and discussing them with others. I am, so it seems, an addict.

"Plot Outline: The show follows Reu'ven Dagan, a known psychologist, through his weekly meetings with his patients, including his appointment with his own therapist." (from IMDB)

People, processes, life, interactions, therapy. These are subjects that I've been into since I was a little kid, starting with books that I've found laying around the house – reading all the books by Irvin Yalom, Yoram Yovel and many other unknowns, and into my decision to go for a psychology degree. Those who know me a little know my special connection to those.

"Betipul" – Hebrew for "In therapy", is a realistic show about the inner-workings of therapy. It goes further than any book that I've read and any simulation that I've seen about therapy to show the interactions happening between people – showing different patients coming to a psychologist, and the sessions between that psychologist and his mentor-therapist. A very strong experience.

Bottom line – it's the best thing that's happened in Israeli TV lately… go and see it.

No related posts.

A life between jobs…

Fili — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 12:44:00 +0000

Some friends have been telling me about their dreams of taking a time off to go and pursue their fantasies, even “at the risk of losing what they’ve achieved so far”. Asking for my advice, I try and let them know that they are not alone and that it is a fair dilemma that isn’t necessarily as bad as they might think it is.

A British gal I met in Northern Vietnam in her one week Vietnam trip is now returning from 6 months around-the-world after quitting her journalism job. A Canadian friend is traveling around India thinking about her lawyer future. An Israeli hi-tech friend who fell in love with China has given up that career for a year+ to pursue simple English teaching where his new passion is. A couple I knew just came back from 6 months tour of Central America after quitting their jobs together to go on a very long honeymoon. A friend from Australia is rethinking her obvious career choice made long ago. Plenty of the western guys I met in Taiwan were searching for new directions in life. Almost every week or so I have a conversation with someone between the age of 25 to 35 who’s thinking about this.

For those friends of mine, who I care deeply for and obviously sympathize with their journey, here’s a small quote from a New York Times article I read this morning called “Life between jobs” :

“Generations before them, studies have shown, valued tenure and career advancement. But this group sees the chutes in the world as interesting as the ladders.
There are no recent studies of the employment patterns of Generations X and Y by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. But it reports that even those born at the tail end of the baby boom held an average of 10.2 jobs between age 18 and 38, from 1978 to 2002. A 2004 study by the Families and Work Institute, a nonprofit research group, polled Generation Y employees and found they were significantly more likely to leave their job than employees who were their comparable ages in 1977 Ã— 70 percent, compared with 52 percent.

Some use quitting as an opportunity for a good, long visit back home, or to spend time with a dying grandparent. Others want the time to embark on real vacations or adventures.

And what’s wrong with taking all that ambition and putting it into a bus trip through India? A climb up Kilimanjaro? A month studying Russian in Moscow?
The trend, career experts said, is an outgrowth of today’s nomadic job culture, as well as an attitude among many young people open to adventure and big experiences ; and, yes, a bit of indulgence.
Why not walk away when you are young, energetic and have the opportunity to camp at the Grand Canyon? Or to visit all the national parks?”

“As the retirement age pushes farther back and the finances for that time of life are less and less certain, it was almost unconscionable to not take advantage of the opportunity to travel now when I had the money and the health,” he said.
He is not afraid of finding another job Ã— believing his skills are in demand Ã— and he is not tied down to any location. What worries him more is keeping from burning out again.
“The trick is finding a job that has the balance built in so that I don’t have to go off on a grand adventure to recover from work,” he said.

A study done by the Society for Human Resource Management found that when human resource professionals were asked to select character traits from a list to describe age groups, baby boomers were characterized as “results driven,” and “plan to stay with the organization over the long term.” Generation X, though, was described as “like informality,” and “seeking work/life balance.”

“To be unemployed for six weeks is a healthy thing to help you say ‘I am not defined by what I do,’ ” he said. “It helps to understand who I am, who my wife is, and that our identity is more important than anything we do.”
In the end, timing is everything.
“Why now when I’m 28?” said Mr. Aikin, the architect, about his coming motorcycle trip. “Retirement is too far away. And I was too broke in college.”