18 Sep, 2009 in
Hong Kong . Tags:
betrayal; hk girl; online romance;
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Being a foreigner in HK (& previously in Taiwan) sometimes gets me into some amusing conversations. One day, as I was working on some data in the research room I got a Facebook chat request (through Digsby) from a girl I don’t know who added me as a friend. After we had the following conversation, I got her permission to post parts of it online to share her story with you all.
The chat, which altogether took over one hour and sounded extremely bizarre to me the whole way through, started out as this HK girl told me about her HK boyfriend making female online friends and having “lust talk” with them. Here’s how it went :
(16:08:01) (HK-girl) my boyfriend is a net friend with her
(16:08:11) (Me) net friend, eh?
(16:08:24) (HK-girl) dun know what is net friend?
(16:09:13) (Me) not sure that I do.
(16:09:30) (Me) meeting online?
(16:09:32) (Me) like we are?
(16:09:46) (HK-girl) maybe just like me n you…
(16:09:52) (HK-girl) hehe
(16:09:53) (Me) I see.
(16:09:54) (HK-girl) hehe
(16:10:18) (Me) just curious, can I ask you a personal question?
(16:10:26) (HK-girl) ya
(16:10:59) (Me) Do you mind that your boyfriend goes on the net and makes friends with other girls?
(16:11:43) (Me) I mean – I know a few of my female friends might mind that.
(16:12:48) (HK-girl) how do u think?
(16:15:00) (Me) Donno, some are sensitive about this. Personally, I wouldn’t mind.
(16:21:08) (HK-girl) actually i have a big argue with my bf about that
(16:21:15) (Me) I could imagine.
(16:21:18) (Me) what did he say?
(16:21:26) (HK-girl) and he even meet with her secretly
(16:21:41) (Me) ouch.
(16:22:04) (HK-girl) he said he won’t do any thing over with those girls….
(16:22:24) (HK-girl) but this just like he treated me …
(16:22:27) (Me) I see.
(16:22:59) (HK-girl) i know they talked lust online
(16:23:03) (Me) lust?
(16:23:08) (HK-girl) ya
(16:23:15) (Me) you mean, sex talk?
(16:23:22) (HK-girl) yes
(16:23:23) (Me) ouch.
(16:23:28) (Me) that’s not a good sign.
(16:23:36) (HK-girl) and he promise me not to do that again…
(16:23:47) (HK-girl) i dun know i should trust him or not
(16:24:03) (Me) how would he react to you talking to me now?
(16:24:14) (Me) or are you meeting with me secretly? :P
(16:24:21) (HK-girl) he said he can accept…
(16:24:26) (HK-girl) so i have to accept
(16:24:38) (Me) he can accept that you have "lust” with someone like me ? :O
(16:24:50) (Me) I doubt that.
(16:25:01) (Me) well, I’m not a big expert.
(16:25:24) (Me) but I think him doing this might suggest there’s something missing for him in your relationship.
(16:25:25) (HK-girl) he even ask me to get a new boyfriend to see if there any boys do not chat with net girls
(16:25:32) (Me) might be good for you two to talk to each other about that.
(16:25:42) (Me) he did, eh?(16:26:37) (HK-girl) he said he can accept what i do with other boys beside having sex
(16:26:56) (Me) even online sex and meeting like he was doing with that girl?
(16:29:21) (HK-girl) maybe…i think his thinking a bit ….
(16:29:27) (HK-girl) i have try to change his mind about this
(16:29:28) (HK-girl) i have try to change his mind about this
[...]
(16:45:32) (Me) so, how come you contacted me on facebook? how’d you find me?
(16:45:49) (Me) I’m just curious.
(16:48:18) (HK-girl) my bf just mad at me now
(16:48:27) (HK-girl) as i told him i add u in my facebook
(16:48:34) (Me) :O
(16:48:42) (HK-girl) he said why i can did this…but he cant
(16:48:57) (HK-girl) and he said he will do this just lik eme did
(16:51:27) (HK-girl) he just cut my call!!!
(16:51:28) (HK-girl) he is really mad at this
(16:51:29) (HK-girl) why he can did this be4?
(16:51:30) (HK-girl) but i cant !!!?
(16:51:31) (HK-girl) why?
(16:51:48) (Me) you called him now?
(16:52:23) (Me) Maybe you sort this out with him and not talk to me.
(16:53:00) (HK-girl) i just dun understand why he still think like a child
(16:53:14) (HK-girl) and selfish
(16:53:26) (Me) so, just to get this straight – why did you add me?
(16:53:30) (HK-girl) i chat with him in msn
(16:53:35) (Me) to make online friends?
(16:54:00) (HK-girl) ya……
(16:54:12) (Me) and you still want him as a boyfriend?
(16:55:02) (HK-girl) im not sure…as i think he will betray me again in the future
(16:55:03) (HK-girl) i cant trust him anymore
(16:55:17) (Me) can you trust yourself not to betray him?
(16:56:32) (HK-girl) i never did this be4..
(16:57:00) (HK-girl) but after i found that he did this with online girls…
(16:57:40) (HK-girl) i start to chat with online fds
(16:57:48) (HK-girl) but i have bottom line …
(16:58:02) (Me) what’s your bottom line?
(16:58:50) (HK-girl) hard to say
(16:59:02) (Me) what is a bottom line for you? something you wouldn’t do?
(17:00:32) (HK-girl) so i tell my bf everything
(17:00:39) (HK-girl) but he lie to me always
(17:00:56) (HK-girl) and even i talk with you…i will tell him…
(17:01:38) (Me) I have a feeling this will not work out very well between you two.
(17:01:43) (HK-girl) help!!!!!
(17:01:54) (Me) help? from me?
(17:01:58) (Me) you don’t even know me :D
(17:02:04) (Me) and I’m a guy.
(17:02:08) (Me) that’s not helping you at all.
(17:02:10) (HK-girl) not…just release
(17:02:55) (Me) so, actually, you’re not interested in making online friends or having "lust talk". You just wanted to make your boyfriend jealous.
(17:03:02) (Me) that’s kind of smart, in a weird way.
(17:03:24) (Me) though, might not work out as you hoped it would.
(17:03:27) (HK-girl) but he said he will do this again…
(17:03:47) (HK-girl) he said he promise he won’t do this again…
(17:03:52) (HK-girl) but why i do this?
(17:04:08) (HK-girl) so he said he will keep doing this with online girls
(17:04:14) (Me) I think you were upset with your boyfriend and was looking for a way to show him that.
(17:04:20) (HK-girl) i think im foolish
(17:04:32) (Me) if he does – you could either accept it or say goodbye.
(17:05:04) (HK-girl) ya…but he dun understand…i just want him know what i feel about he talking with online fds
(17:05:44) (Me) then you need to meet him face to face and talk about this till you reach an understanding.
(17:06:59) (HK-girl) thanks..
[...]
(17:12:52) (HK-girl) he said a lot of promises..
(17:12:58) (HK-girl) and i trust him again
(17:13:07) (HK-girl) i know that
(17:13:39) (HK-girl) maybe you can introduce one to me
(17:13:40) (HK-girl) hehe
(17:13:53) (Me) I know a few.
(17:14:22) (HK-girl) fili…im going to delete you from facebook now…
(17:14:28) (Me) good luck :)
(17:14:32) (HK-girl) maybe you can add me in msn
(17:15:40) (HK-girl) as all my fds said he is a bad guy
(17:15:41) (HK-girl) he not suitable to me..
(17:16:29) (HK-girl) bu twhen i feel lonely…i cant control myself and call him back..
(17:16:30) (HK-girl) so i have to listen to him…
(17:16:37) (HK-girl) actually i want to meet you be4..
(17:16:43) (HK-girl) as i like foreigners..
(17:16:44) (HK-girl) hehe
(17:17:05) (Me) you need to be sure of what you’re doing.
(17:17:14) (Me) I don’t want to be the reason you and your boyfriend break up.
A few things you might agree are interesting:
- Local girls who want to meet me because they “like foreigners, hehe”. I guess there’s something kinky about the thought of meeting a foreigner.
- People, complete strangers, who decide that I’m the person they want to share their lives with. Honestly, I kind of enjoy that.
- The girl’s dilemma on how to confront her boyfriend on his online sex chatting habit.
- The girl’s chosen course of action and the fact that I was somehow to be made part of that.
- The fact that the local girl who chatted with her boyfriend and met with him also had a boyfriend.
- Her final decision to delete me from her Facebook to appease her boyfriend with the suggestion that I add her on MSN instead.
Your thoughts, observations and personal stories are very welcome.
Yuri | September 19th, 2009 at 5:52 pm #
had a good laugh (in a good way) reading this post. thanks for sharing. thanks for sharing to HK girl too.
I felt her frustration, her frustrated enough to talk to a complete stranger (foreigner or not) and get somehow consoled by him (you). seems like after all, that’s not really who she is so she couldn’t go on. I’d say she should straightfowardly confront her bf on the issue, but aye, who am I to say. don’t know a thing about their relationship, and definitely not in a position to give a relationship advice to anyone :)
she sounds hurt and preoccupied, not in a good place to explore a new friendship. the post also reminds me of cyber cheating, online intimacy stuff that I read before. in some cases it looked dead serious.. I think the “lust talk” must be bad enough for a woman (a man too, I believe) to *feel* cheated and accordingly it ruins emotional bond between a couple. that hurts. or as you said something’s missing for him in his relationship and she has to deal with that.. regardless, they need to talk. if he avoids discussing or brings up something like “see what other guys do..” BREAK UP WITH HIM AND DON’T LOOK BACK. I wish her good luck!
on your points:
1. besides wonder and fascination, in case of her, from the way she talked to you, she may’ve felt *safe* to talk with a “foreigner”: easy to get off the hook (since you don’t know her or any of her friends), free to express herself without feeling judged. like she said, her friends already don’t like her bf; she wouldn’t get much consolation or interest from her friends if she complained to them. I kinda understand.. feeling different and sort of safe when talking with a stranger, a wise one.. oh yeah buddha on the street! that’s the idea :)
2. you’re so kind, so generous, awesome!
3. I found her bf’s action very hurtful. the problem won’t go away if she keeps going back to him out of loneliness. would it be possible for her to tell her bf to go f* with your computer and leave her alone? :p
4. I see that, and to be honest, found this part kinda nasty. not good. I think she did that cause she felt so vulnerable. in need of someone to hear her out and rely on, virtual or not, momentarily or not. hope she feels better now (but don’t go too far on getting another party involved.)
5. you mean “lust talk” by “chat”? if so, what a biatch. ewww
6. ?? :D
SHANA TOVA!
Fili | September 21st, 2009 at 10:06 pm #
Yuri – thanks for the long reply. Yeah, fascinating things in there, and I generally agree with most of what you wrote. The thing I neglected to mention is that this was also, on top of it all, a cross-cultural relationship (atleast in the sense that they’re from different countries, living in different places), and that’s always a bit tricky. I could write a few books about cross-cultural relationships… maybe I should. Perhaps you’d have a few stories to share with me … ;)