Fili’s world

… is something I know very little about. Although there is a very strong stereotype from both Taiwanese and foreigners about Taiwanese parents I would dare say that Taiwanese parents tales that I hear prove to me time and time again that stereotypes are not always relevant and that by following those stereotypes in our interactions with others we lead them into fulfilling the role they might not naturally take.

Remarkably, this week, within 20 minutes of each other, I’ve heard two such stories. The first was about a very young Taiwanese female student who wants to explore the world and wants to try and do that by herself. Her dream was to go to one of central European countries on her own before meeting up with her friends in a different country nearby. Her parent’s initial reaction was that it’s not possible, and she could only do that with either another friend or her brother. First time I talked to her she was absolutely convinced that her parents would not let her go and that there is no point whatsoever in trying to discuss this with them. I was trying to understand how come she’s so sure about the result of discussing this - maybe even pushing them a bit - would have such negative results and the conversation was concluded with the sad realization that her dream was never to come true. This week the girl told me that she’s decided to try and talk about this with her parents again, and she was very surprised that when she explained how important this was to her and asked that her parents respect her independence and decision they actually supported her. I was absolutely ecstatic when she told me that.

The second story is of a Taiwanese student friend I highly respect who wants to pursue a career in something that she’s very passionate about (and I think very talented at), while her parent had a different future planed for her that might bring her more traditional business success, fame and fortune. The first time I talked to her about that she described it as something she has no say in, and although I couldn’t quite figure out why that was and why this isn’t a discussion between her and the parent, the conversation was concluded with her seeing this is the final say and feeling very pessimistic about the whole situation. A few minutes after the first student told me about her good news my friend told me that she has decided to talk to her parent again and has succeeded in persuading the parent that for her to pursue her passion was the right decision to make. I can’t express how happy I am for her, this is truly a remarkable thing.

These are not the only examples that I have, there are plenty more. There’s this one heart warming story about a Taiwanese girl who was secretly dating a foreigner in fear of her parents’ negative reaction if they were to find out, but when she finally decided to tell them they surprised her by showing their complete support and immediately accepting the foreigner boyfriend into their lives and home. I could go on and on.

The general stereotypes is that Taiwanese youth care more about their parents opinions than maybe the average Israeli would and that Taiwanese parents are more involved with their children’s decisions than the average Israeli parents are, and I imagine that in a way it’s partially true. But, the assumptions made that this means that the Taiwanese youth are totally dependent on their parents and that Taiwanese parents dominate their kids’ lives, assumption which some of the Taiwanese youth also express, isn’t necessarily true. The Taiwanese parents that I was fortunate to meet so far have proven very accepting, supportive, open and caring while maintaining balance with their children’s thrive for self exploration and independence. Something to think about.