Cross cultural differences between people from the same culture : Introverts and extroverts

I believe the number one issue most expats or international students feel they face is cross-cultural difficulties. Most find it extremely confusing and frustrating, not being able to understand how a person might think or act so differently. But, interestingly enough, the one thing I realized pretty fast was that cross-cultural differences are just anther version for personal differences. People from the same culture can be quite different. It might be true that the stereotypical average for cultures is different, but when dealing with individuals and not on an organizational or national level, one must consider that personal differences might attribute for more variance than cultural differences.

I’ll do the mistake of giving a personal example. In a stereotypical generalization, I find that I have an easier time relating to the south-east Asians that I meet here than I do with what some like to term “westerners”. I honestly think most Israelis wouldn’t be the same, and I believe this has to do with personal differences between me and other “average Israelis”.

A few weeks ago, I think about two months, I came across this wonderful article called “Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts“. I remember that long ago, parting from my development team before moving to a different position, I was trying to live up to my high-rank officer role by talking to the team about the famous MBTI personality test, playing around with having them think about who they are and how they relate to one another. At the end of that session they all asked me what I thought I was and I asked in return that they guess. I was quite surprised when they all guessed that I was an extrovert, and they were all quite surprised when I told them I believe I better fit the description of an introvert:

Extraverted Characteristics

• Act first, think/reflect later
• Feel deprived when cutoff from interaction with the outside world
• usually open to and motivated by outside world of people and things
• Enjoy wide variety and change in people relationships

Introverted Characteristics

• Think/reflect first, then Act
• Regularly require an amount of “private time” to recharge batteries
• Motivated internally, mind is sometimes so active it is “closed” to outside world
• Prefer one-to-one communication and relationships

In general I like the description of what my INFP type showed :

Usually gentle and kind, they are intense and passionate about their values and deeply held beliefs, which they share with trusted friends. Because of their discreet manner, their enthusiasm may not be apparent. They are sensitive to others’ pain, restlessness or general discomfort and strive to find happiness, balance and wholeness for themselves in order to help others find joy, satisfaction and plenitude. They are deeply empathetic.

They live life in an intently personal fashion, acting on the belief that each person is unique and that social norms are to be respected only if they do not hinder personal development or expression. They strive to adhere to their own high personal moral standards and are particularly sensitive to inconsistencies in their environment between what is being said and what is being done. Empty promises of adhering to something they value – such as environmental causes or human rights - set off an inner alarm and they may transform themselves into modern day Joan of Arcs.

They are quietly persistent in raising awareness of cherished causes and often fight for the underdog in quiet or not-so-quiet ways. In a team, they will raise issues of integrity, authenticity, and good or bad, and may to opt out if the team refuses to address the questions raised.

They are usually tolerant and open-minded, insightful, flexible and understanding. They live for the understanding of others and feel deeply grateful when someone takes the time to get to know them personally. They have good listening skills, are genuinely concerned, insightful, and usually avid readers. At their best, they inspire others to be themselves.

Although those tests tend for the overly general statements that almost anyone would comfortable with, this does make sense to me more than other descriptions.

Why am I going into all this? because I think the introvert-extrovert culture-personality clash that I experience here is usually stronger than the cross-cultural difficulties. Back to that Top 5 article, this is a must read to all my extrovert friends that might help them understand introvert folks a bit better. Here’s a short summary:

If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.

The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.

Introverts tend to dislike small talk.

If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met. [...]

Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.

Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.

Introverts need time alone to recharge.

They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.

Introverts are socially well adjusted.

Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.

This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.

Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

It’s a bit extreme but it’s very well written. Many are sometimes confused by a behavior some of them term as the “disappearing act”. I especially relate to the “Introverts need time alone to recharge”, which is complemented with Introverts wanting to be extra close when the time comes that don’t want to be alone. 

It’s not all about Embedded/Autonomy, Hierarchy/Egalitarianism, Mastery/Harmony and national culture differences… personal differences are also there for you to consider.

 
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