Asia by Uncyclopedia

Wikipedia this, Wikipedia that. Those who know me or have been following me for a while know that I adore social web and information collaboration, and that I refer to Wikipedia on almost every topic I want to know more about. For those still not familiar with the concept (?) a Wiki allows every person, everyone, to edit and add content in the subject and theme the Wiki's about.

Wikipedia is just the obvious example of how people work together to produce something magnificent. Also on the Wiki side and just as impressive is the Uncyclopedia – the encyclopedia for humor and nonsense. Uncyclopedia is what happens when you combine all the satire powers of the world. Absolutely halarious.

Here are some bits from Uncyclopedia on some key places in fiLi's Asia. It's pretty intense, mind you.

China

History - After that day, Mao Zedong led China through several great changes, such as bringing peace to the world. He saved 100 million Chinese people from 5 U.S Marine invaders trying to crush the 9,000, 000 strong Chinese army. In the end, 8,000,000 were killed and the marines there was a yellow river(huang he) gushing all over them. They fled , leaving the one million Chinese to reproduce with their grandmothers, cats, dogs, daugthers, babies, even horses. Thats how the population grew so rapidly.

People - The people of China to western eyes all appear to be the same (which is why the Chinese know each other as "The Thousand Thousand Same-Look People of Wise Virtue"). This may in fact be true, but we cannot be sure. Because all Chinese people look exactly the same, when they encounter someone who is not Chinese they tend to laugh hysterically, point and stare. Since the government forced all Chinese to learn English they will also shout "HARRO", or "Gook maoing" at foreigners. This phenomenon is known as the "HARRO factor" and can lead foreigners to suffer temporary insanity after some time in China.

Economy - China discovered a market in the year 2001 for 8 billion pairs of socks, with sock production predicted to peak at 90 billion pairs by the year 2030. Entire towns in china have been turned into sock factories to cope with demand. Over 700,000 'donated' political prisoner body organs are sold per month on C-bay. China has been accused of slavery, paying child workers only 3 cents per hour, but Nike and Adidas have played down the allegations. On top of the massive stock production, much of China's economy is based on making plastic doohickies from gluttonous Americans. A 2004 Chinese Business Commission report showed that China exported 59 trillion plastic shrimp forks to America. Wal-mart makes up for the other 79 percent of the Chinese economy.

Taiwan

Culture - The capital Taipei (台北) is famous for Taipei 101 (台北101), which contrary to popular reports is not a skyscraper but a giant spaceship built with Kentucky Fried Chicken boxes as its primary construction material. Strangely enough most people actually think it is a space shoe, which is the official cover story. The eventual mission of this spaceship is to finally, FINALLY bring the entirety of Taiwan into Pluto and to establish superiority in the manufacturing of superior spaceships. But they didn't tell you that.

Univeral relations – Taiwan has been at the center of a 4000 year old game where the entire universe pretends it does exist. Thanks to this, 99.9999% of the world can tell the difference between Taiwan and Klingon Empire. Quite frankly I’m surprised that you’re actually reading this.

Vietnam

History - Vietnam's history starts with the Gongjongryeong dynasty (founded in 201 AD) and all sorts of other Asian names and dates which mean nothing to you. The state of Vietnam, unrecognized by most international communities aside from North Korea and Hezbollah, is named after the war that was fought by the Vietkong, led by King Kong, and the United Spades, led by Jane Fonda. Despite killing every single person in Vietnam, and most of their own army, the United Spades failed to win the war and stop the rise of Communism. Fortunately, Communism stopped rising anyway, probably realizing it would have bombs dropped on it otherwise.

 Singapore

Definition - Country founded by IMF 1957 when Adidas corporation declared that they needed another tax free zone to be able to expand vigorousely in South Asia. Today, it is described as a boring country, mainly bacause it is illegal to spit on the sidewalks. Graffiti on walls is prohibited and as a result the city remains too clean.

People - Singapore has a population of 403, of which 298 originate from China, 202 from India, 49 from Texas and one small siamese cat. This does not include the Singaporeans, tourists, virtual people or ghosts which are also present, all of which seem to be plentiful. As of July 2005, the population stands at about 4,425,720 sheep.

Laws - In addition to its more pedestrian laws and ordinances, such as banning chewing gum, posting "Beware of Filipino Pickpockets", visecting drug smugglers for scientific research, and flogging vandals, Singapore also requires that all citizens acquire a breathing license by the age of eight to continue using public oxygen resources. This breathing license is generally considered slightly more difficult than the Kentucky BAR Examination, but slightly easier than finding a Thai girl over the age of 9 who is a virgin. Also, the government of Singapore keeps a strict vigil on the look out for those cunt-lickers as oral sex is banned in the island which itself is shaped like a disformed penis.

That should get you started. Also be sure to check out Japan, Thailand, Korea, and if you're really bored – Israel ("the only gay nightclub in the Middle East, run by Vin Diesel").