Fili’s world

My life is now officially a cliche. It doesn’t matter what happens to me or what I say, most folks will just respond that it’s completely normal since this is what happens to a person that gets back from a long trip.

When I can’t sleep, “oh-yeah, that’s normal, it takes two months to get back to decent sleep after coming back from a long trip”. When I do sleep tight, “oh-yeah, it’s obvious that’s you’re getting good sleep, anybody would sleep after such a good year”.
When I don’t want to do too much, “oh-yeah, ofcourse you don’t, you don’t need to do anything, just take your time”. When I do want to do something, “oh-yeah, ofcourse you want to, we understand, anybody would want to take their minds of things being in your situation”.

It seems like I don’t have a personality anymore, it’s not about me, I don’t feel or act, I don’t have any personal thoughts and I can not claim anything original as my own. In everybody’s eyes I’m just following the pattern of those who came back from a long trip and are trying to adjust back, no matter who I really am.

Tying you up to others to try and make you feel better might be an Israeli thing, I don’t know. All I know is that it makes me uncomfortable and it shuts me down completely . I don’t want to feel like “everybody else” and it brings me no comfort or pleasure hearing others claiming that they’ve been through the same whateveritis. No body has, no body knows, and I know what you’re going to say, don’t say it, I don’t want to know that everybody said that “nobody has and no body knows” before. I have my own sweet memories and my amazing experiences, my own fantasies and dreams, and they will not be reduced to cliches. They’re mine.

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I’ve built myself a cozy weekly schedule to get me through my search for what I’ll be doing next. I’ve got those wonderful Chinese classes with the Hebrew University Far East department I can quietly attend for about 12 academic hours a week, I’ll probably be starting to do some chilled-out IT consulting sometime in the next week to satisfy my empty wallet and rebuild my (Asia) travel funds, and I meet up with friends occasionally when the mood strikes me.

That was the easy part, now it’s up to me to see where that takes me…