Fili’s world

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“Where did it all start?” they would ask, as expected, and I would always start muttering something about not knowing exactly. I couldn’t quite place it, since it was more of a continuous process than a single point in time, yet I was curious myself as to what initiated it all. By now, I think I have a faint idea as for the origin of this.

Committed to a Dutch recommendation from long ago I started diving into Wild Swans. This one proves a unique challenge to read, not because it’s boring or dull, but rather because it’s so fascinating and exciting. Trouble is that every page gets me into deep thoughts and into informative look ups on the web. It’s a small taste that I get on the local history, China and Taiwan, Mao and Chiang Kai-Shek, Communism and the KMT, and I just can’t get enough. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s objective or whether the facts are exact or not, it’s not about that. It’s a whole new different world that I can’t seem to grasp, an intriguing history development that’s beyond my understanding.
What I find extremely surprising are the emotional responses brought up by reading this book and by discussing local history with whoever’s willing to do so with me. If I’d have to describe what it’s like then I think that maybe it’s the closest thing that I’ve had to motherly instincts, but to a place and a group of people rather than to a child.

Arriving at Vietnam’s countryside, on my first arrival to Hue and meeting the farmer folks, it hit me hard straight in the stomach. It made me feel sad, upset, sympathetic, hopeless… I just couldn’t get the circumstances leading up to the present situation and so many things didn’t make sense. I was torn up between adoring their pure souls and simple lives – maybe seeking such a life for myself, and feeling sorry for them – maybe thinking that we’re all better off in a wealthier more organized society. There were sometimes thoughts of wanting to try and help them in anyway that I can, but that soon turned into seeking to spend time with them juest being with them and listening to their stories. The folks in HoiAn couldn’t understand why somebody on vacation from a wealthy western country would be at all interested in sitting down to talk with them. They couldn’t understand why I’m interested in asking them all those questions and why I was so keen on taking part in what they were doing. They were always so eager to hear from me about how wonderful things are at the west, but I soon found out that it didn’t offer them the hope they were looking for. For me it was a lot more meaningful to try and talk about what we felt about each other and about things that we see, hear and think. Their kindness, pure hearts and warm embrace have moved me deeply and has changed a lot in my perception of human nature. In a way, they’ve helped me and offered me more hope than I might have to them.

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History, especially recent history, is always controversial, but I’ll take the risk of upsetting a few people and making what might turn out to be some very naive incomplete statements.
I find it tragic to witness the consequences of historical figures such as Mao and Chiang Kai Shek and the effect of these figures’ doings on the people.

Relating to China and Communism, from the little that I know reading about the life before the Communists, I can understand some about how they came to be and I think they’ve brought a good change in people’s way of thinking. In a way – I could even see how Communism might have been able to work out, at least work out better than what ever system of make - believe - monarchy - anarchy used to rule China before that. The sad thing is seeing how a process, that had the potential of bringing hope and prosperity was manipulated to a catastrophe by power struggle, corruption and one man’s obsession with extreme ideology and power. I always pictured Mao as some general mobilizing his mercenary army to control the soon-to-revolt population. But human nature has a way of tragically surprising me every time, and Mao’s brilliancy was by the way he manipulated the masses to serve as their own means for self control and self destruction. A bit like Nazy Germany, I can not even began to understand how something like the Cultural Revolution happens, but I do know it just makes me feel so sad. Even if China today is a more open and easy society for the people, it will still take generations for the people to truly recover.

Relating to Taiwan and the KMT, from the little that I know reading and discussing with Taiwanese, I fail to understand how they came to be what they were in Taiwan. The sad thing is seeing how a process, that had the potential of bringing hope and prosperity in a post colonial-Japanese-role era was manipulated to a catastrophe by power, corruption and one man’s obsession with power. A nation recovering from a tyrant had to soon face a new horrible one, but this time from who they considered to be one of their own. Difference from China is that Chiang Kai Shek was mostly supported by western powers, just because he posed a Chinese opposition to Mao and Communism. Better a dictator than Communism, I guess. Visiting the Chiang Kai-Shek memorial hall to see the exhibition, the gigantic beautiful Chinese-style buildings and the CKS statue I was once again overwhelmed by the brainwash and personal worship displayed. While Communism and Mao are widely condemned, Chiang Kai Shek still remains a major controversy and I don’t understand why. I can not even begin to understand how someone like him could happen the way that he did, but I do know it just makes me feel so sad. Even though Taiwan has managed to, thank god, put an end to that madness, I think it will still take a few more generations for the people to truly recover.
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