Fili’s world

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Oh, shit. What’s going to happen now? Was this the right thing to do? Inside, I struggle. Making my last round of goodbyes I look at the faces of the people I’ve got to know so well and feel confused. Am I sad? Maybe glad? What do I feel thinking that I won’t be coming here tomorrow. After 6 years and a one month, after giving my best years to this place, I don’t know anything else. What’s it like not to come to work everyday? What’s it like not to have huge responsibilities – projects to run, meetings to attend, phone calls to make, asses to kiss, political wars to fight.
I’m tired, really tired. It took me a long time to get to the point of no return, ‘letting down’ my boss and telling the world that I’m truly leaving this job. I’ve reached my limit, maybe overstaying my welcome. Everybody’s telling me how hard it’s going to be with out me, and how much I’ve boosted things up, but I can’t help but thinking it’s all clichés. I’ve always tried to avoid those when I saw others leave, but if you can’t say that then what can you say? Leaving – I might degrade to using my own clichés about how wonderful it’s been and how much I’ve learned and gained. But no, I can’t take any more clichés and am able to use none. The most vital thing for me to remember is that it happened, with some good times and some bad times, and it’s an important part of me now. So, where to next? I wonder, will I remember anything 6 month from now?

Oh, shit. What’s going to happen now? Was this the right thing to do? Inside, I struggle. Making my last round of goodbyes I look at the empty classes and the ugly corridors I’ve got to know so well and feel confused. Am I sad? Maybe glad? What do I feel thinking that I won’t be coming here any more. After 3 and a half years, after spending 2-3 evenings here every week, I don’t know anything else. What’s it like not to come study in university? What’s is like not to have humongous responsibilities - a class to attend, an assignment to hand in, a test to prepare to, some research to run.
I’m tired, really tired. It took me a long time to get to the point of no return, convincing myself that I need time off and stopping my blind rush into the next stage of a PhD. I’ve reached my limit, maybe overstaying my welcome. I keep telling myself that my MBA has given me new direction and has changed my life (and not in the obvious way), but I also can’t help thinking it’s all clichés. I’ve always tried to avoid those when I finished other stages in my life, but if I can’t use those then what can I use? Leaving – I might degrade to using clichés about how wonderful it’s been and how much I’ve learned and gained. But no, I can’t take any more clichés and am able to use none. The most vital thing for me to remember is that it happened, with some good times and some bad times, and it’s an important part of me now. So, where to next? I wonder, will I remember anything 6 month from now?

Oh, shit. What’s going to happen now? Was this the right thing to do? Inside, I struggle. Making my last round of goodbyes I look at the noisy streets with Vietnamese signs I’ve got to know so well and feel confused. Am I sad? Maybe glad? What do I feel thinking that I won’t be staying here any more. After over 3 and a half months, after getting to know the people and culture, it seems like I don’t know anything else. What would it be like not to be here anymore? What’s is like not to have zero responsibilities – not sleeping in late, not having long brunches, not making camp at cafés, not watching countless movies and reading random books…
I’m tired, really tired. It took me a long time to get to the point of no return, knowing that I need time on and stopping my inertia stay in Vietnam. I’ve reached my limit, maybe overstaying my welcome. I keep telling myself that Vietnam has touched me deep and in a way - changed my life (and not always in the obvious way), but I also can’t help thinking it’s all clichés. I’ve always tried to avoid those when I finished other stages in my life, but if I can’t use those then what can I use? Leaving – I might degrade to using clichés about how wonderful it’s been and how much I’ve learned and gained. And yes, it has, and I adopt those cliché with a warm embrace. The most vital thing for me to remember is that it happened, with some good times and some bad times, and it’s an important part of me now. So, where to next? I wonder, I wonder, will I remember anything 6 month from now?

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I look at it from all sides, making sure that it’s real. Bringing it up closer to my nose, I give it a small sniff. I enjoy this moment. In fact, I enjoy it a lot. Cuddling with my gigantic glass, dancing with it cheek to cheek, I’m flying high. I’m a happy man, indeed.

Oh, this place is great. No, this place is better than great, it’s magical. What a marvelous place to celebrate my 1 year anniversary of leaving work and 6 months anniversary of heading to Asia. My first dark draught beer in over 6 month, the outmost delicious steamed shrimp I’ve had – boiled in beer, and I’m in heaven. I could have been back by now, but I’m not. I’m here with Jes, looking back at the past year with satisfaction. Some might say I did absolutely nothing, but others would claim I did more for myself this year than any year before. It’s not one memory, not a week or a specific period - it’s the whole year.

Here it is : Hoavener brewery. The highlight of my Saigon nights yet… Thanks (AGAIN) Jes.

http://www.hoavener.com/

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