Fili’s world

In the last week or so, waiting for my Aussie VISA while Jessy is back to working from 07:00am to 07:00pm, I’ve been doing absolutely nothing. My main activities range between sleeping, watching movies on a rented DVD (40000dong for one day, 5000dong for a movie), sitting on the internet, eating, reading books and wandering around aimlessly. Sometimes, at night, Jes and I might head for a good restaurant or a music show, but nothing too exotic. As dull as this might get, weird things happen to me every once in a while.

I was in a middle of yet another messenger chat with some of my bored acquaintances when I felt a hand over my pants. I looked down and followed a very gentle arm up to a Vietnamese face belonging to the girl sitting next to me. I gave her my “what da f#ck do you think you’re doing” intimidating look, but was answered by a helpless smile and a request to help her talk to her boyfriend on the webcam. Her headphone weren’t working and she thought that with my quick typewriting I could explain to her French boyfriend that she can’t Audio talk to him. I looked at this girl and wasn’t able to place her exactly, but there was something funny about her. She had some bad upper teeth and there was a sluty way she clothed and carried herself about. I stared at her screen and watched her very tired boyfriend than looked back at her and decided there’ll be no harm in being nice. I got her name and wrote to the boyfriend what was happening to which she thanked me and said “I know you”. I didn’t think so, but she went on – “Oh, yeah, you stayed for two weeks in this-and-that hotel in this-and-that hotel room”.
Now, this isn’t the first time something like this happens to me. Sometimes I walk into shops or restaurants and is greeted by the surprising “we’ve seen you here for over a month, do you work here?” and I usually scratch my head trying to understand how they recognize me. There were creepy times too when they asked me questions about my shopping habits and they demonstrated supreme knowledge of everything I did on a particular day. I theorized that seeing me walking the same streets for so many times and having strong social gossip connections has them babbling about the regular westerns that occupy their grounds. But knowing where I stayed, how long and in what room was scary. “Oh yeah, I WORK there”, she winked. She works in the hotel? I don’t remember ever seeing her. I felt like asking her what she does was going to be a mistake, but after I did she took her hand and put it on my pants again “You know, I do this…” she massaged about. Oh crap, a working girl. But how can that be? She’s talking in messenger to this decent looking French guy who she considers to be her boyfriend who’s writing extreme words of affection and love towards her and how does she know me? Maybe the working girls have their own social circle of discussing ‘potentials’.
It was weird, so naturally – in the middle of a very quiet internet place – we had a small conversation. Her mother is a Vietnamese and currently living at the states and her father is a Thai in Bangkok. She said that she holds an American/Thai/Vietnamese passport and that her boyfriend offered to take her to France but she preferred to stay in Vietnam. WHY? “I like it here better” was the null response. After asking me if I have a girlfriend and getting the usual “no” answer came an even bigger surprise – “but don’t you have a girlfriend working in this-and-that hotel?”. “What do you mean?” I asked cautiously. “I saw you and Jessy going for dinner and WE know that you spend a lot of time together” she stared at me. “Oh, Jessy! Nope, not my girlfriend, just good friends” I explained quickly to protect her, and wrapped things up. Too disturbing.

Telling this story to Jessy we once again reached the “working girls” conversation. It makes me extremely sad to hear her hotel receptionist stories about the human garbage in the Saigon’s backpacker area. I’ve told her more than once that I think having that job has distorted her perception of what normal people are like. All the men she meets are horny nasty buggers and all the women are either exploited or mistreated – how can she believe in the good nature of mankind or the existence of true love after all that?

The girl I met occupies the so-called “laundry” place next to my former hotel and she often walks the streets and internet places looking for the next costumer. Apparently, 50000dong (3$) will buy you a night to remember, and not in a good way. Wondering who would want to take up on that girl I was explained that drunken lonely men usually don’t realize the girl they took until the next hangover morning when reality is smashed into their heads. I still don’t get the whole French boyfriend thing, but I’m sure – absolutely positive - that this guy knows what she does and he doesn’t give a damn. Since I gathered from him he’s coming back to “see” her on December I was left to wonder just what will happen to this girl when he gets here.
If you somehow got the understanding that this girl is unique, then she’s not – by far. Almost every bar, EVERY bar, hosts plenty of those and some girls just dress up as regular girls and try their luck at regular decent looking places like cafes and internet places. It seems impossible but it’s true, I’ve managed to avoid this entire Saigon sex tourist thanks to being taken away from there almost every night by Jes. When I do walk the streets, especially at night, I have to stand strong against many possible hazards including an ever increasing number of approaches by male and female prostitutes.

Now, there must be a reason why I’m writing this and it’s not that I’m trying to keep people from coming here. It is the beginning of something that I’ve wanted to write about for a long time but was never sure quite how to approach. Vietnam and Saigon are gorgeous places. But, they suffer from governmental anarchy and intentional overlook by authorities to create suffering land and people. When I see all this I find it hard to deal with. My older sister has always given me a hard time claiming that my Thatcheristic economic views show that I have little empathy for the poor and suffering. I believe that it takes coming to Asia to understand what poor and suffering really means and understand how advanced Israel is. Things we take for granted – simple concepts like insurance (car, health), free education, base salary, rule of law, children rights, freedom of press and speech, social system, accountability etc. – do not exist here. Instead, corruption and ignorance run these streets failing to do anything right. It is so easy to ignore all that here, especially in the tourist places, but if you take the time to look around and notice what’s around you then you are doomed to feel existential melancholy. It makes it even worse knowing that I can do nothing to help these people, most of all the people that I care for. In an odd way this all made me stay here for long but has also pushed me to a point where I have to leave. This is a system I can not beat; this is a place that doesn’t make any sense to me. No matter how long I stay, what kind of job I might do and how much I might make it will still be extremely difficult – almost impossible – to stay here. In my last remaining days over here, I can not help but feel the out most sympathy for what I’m about to leave behind and it breaks my heart knowing that amazing people, like Jes and my HoiAn friends, are left here to fight a losing battle.