Week 3 - Pai, Soppong and Chang-Rai

O-h m-y g-o-d. What the hell? I was riding my bike out of Chiang Guest House in Chang-Rai after bringing in my backpack from the somewhat crapppy Mae-Hong-Son GH I’ve been to the night before. As I was looking at my map, this police officer appeared and asked me where I was going. I shrugged my shoulders and replied “Donno, maybe downtown”. This police officer was well dressed, with a Tat-Aluf sign on his shoulders, so I figured him out to be a descent friendly person. “Oh, downtown, downtown. You, you follow I”. Now, driving after this guy was no easy thing. He turned left when there was only traffic going right, he took his helmet off and on while driving and did all sorts of crazy stuff. At somepoint he took his bike back, pointing at what appeared to be a resturant from Gaza-strip and blabbed something about “best noodle, best noodle”. At this point, I thought this was all a hoax, someway that he can earn money off me. There is no way in hell this guy is a cop. But, suprisingly enough, he pulled up next to a big building with a huge “Police Station” sign . I was puzzled, to say the least. “You, where you from?”… “Oh, Izwa-ell, good good, you come, you come”. I looked at main street, then at the police station, then back at this guy, thinking - this is a police station, there isn’t much that can go wrong. Right?
Inside, he began to make coffee, forcing me to sit in front of this hge 50inch TV and handing me the remote. “You, you friends, you all come TV big”. He was trying to tell me with awful English that this is the officers lounge, where he spends most of his time bringing people from all around the world because “Buddha, Buddha make love ev-ery-o-n-e”. He seemed educated enough, studying some civil law books so he could get promoted or something. The whole station was empty and there was no one there. My mind was still buzzing that this is a scam of some sort, trying to remember if I’ve ever heard about anything like that before. Soon enough, I had the guy’s whole lifestory. He has a wife and a son that he hates, lives in the government building just outside the station by himself, loves to play the guitar and the piano, dislikes some loud Israelies he met while serving in Mae-hong-son, but really hates the arabs. “Thai know, know Israel good, very very clever”. I was fasinated with the mystery. At some point, he handed me my bag, closed down the lounge and took me outside to this 4×4 Toyota where he showed me on the parking lot that you don’t need a rough road in order to experince the true jeep-treks experience and also offered that I should come take the police car when ever I feel like it. Since he did all the talking, he felt like a break, so without any warning he shoves me to his house with a very happy smile. Walking the 50m to his house we met someother off-duty officers who exchanged some words with him, but I somehow got the picture that this 49old guy was the station’s warm-heart fool. We all responded to his behavior with an ironic sarcastic smile. So, there I was, in his small apartment, watching him as he lights up his “no opium, same same tabacoo, different” bamboo joint, listening to he neverending stories. After spending almost 4 hours with the guy I said my farewells and left. “You, you good, good man. Me know, you good”.

“Me and mygirlfriend, we just loving doing sex, and we do it everywhere-eveytime. This one time, we were so horny and the sex was so good that at the point of absolute pleasure we both felt the apartment shaking, the windows trembling, and imagined hearing a very loud noise. Later on, we heard on the news that there was a bombing that same second in our street. For me, that’s what being an Israeli is all about”. Amy and Jeff looked at each other, then turned to me as I watched them listen to this story, and then we all started laughing. Tamir was by far one of the funniest guys I’ve met, renting an apartment in Pai for the past 4-5 month. We all sat together at Ting-Tong, the local party pub (only to compete with the 5-minute walk “Be-bop”). Tamir seemed to be very fond of Amy from Whales, the gal that came with me there, though he whispered at me that “I never hit on women taller than myself”. He went on and on about how Jewish people all cut off their penis by half when they’re 8 days old, and how we Jewish folks like to use Christians’ blood to make Matza on Passover etc. etc. He seemed to be one of those people who never cease to make fun of themselves and he really liked the fact that there was another Israeli by his side who fully understoodd his ironi. Since Jeff was just a boring American and Amy just loved listening to Tamir, then he really had a full crowd’s attention. Later on, he gave me directions for his house, but by the time I got back from Soppong I already forgot them.

Tham Lod (Lod cave) is 40km northwest of Pai. I had a freezing ride over there after a rainy night through this amazing scenic landscape. Seeing those mountains and the small villages was an intense experience. I took my time getting there, stopping when ever I could, waving back at all the kids who kept screaming “ha-llo”. When I got there I noticed around 15 familiar jeeps I recognized from ChangMai. Yeah, they were there in full strength, all the trekking Israelies from Tanna and Red-brick. It took a while for them to leave, but I had plenty of time. I was waiting for late afternoon to see all the bats and swifts fly back into the cave after a successful’s day hunt outside. Meanwhile, I sat down with the local guides exchanging small sentences in sign language. There was this one 40+ old woman there that knew like 5 words in English and seemed very happy to have me as company. She didn’t seem to like Aviatar Banai and Traktor’s revenge as much as she liked DJ Offer Nissim’s “Searching” and she was trying to have me dance with her over there to his House music. Somehow, she managed to ask me to come over sleep over at her house at night and drink Chang-beer (which Lonely Planet actually wrote about) but after a few finger-ups I got from the others locals and another woman pointing at her saying “Pretty pretty, good good” I gave up on the idea. Yeah, intimidating…

After a crappy night at Cave Lodge I went to have breakfast at Soppong River Inn (www.soppong.com), a place some Australian guy recommended I go to while I’m there. I only came in to have breakfast, but after meeting Aum and seeing the place there was no way I could leave. Aum was the friendliest (yeah, good looking) local gal I’ve met and I had a great time just chilling out with her, talking about whatever, doing nothing. That afternoon I went out for a small one hour drive up to Mea-Lana (5km cave) and stopped at another scenic viewpoint, just wanting to go back. The luxious bongaloo room together with the nearby river and the quiet jungle surroundings made it all feel very comfy. Next day was about the same with Aum, but for some reason I felt the unexplainable urge to leave. I guess it scares me when I feel too happy.